I grew up in a christian home. I loved Jesus with all my heart but before I knew it I was 33 years old, a wife, a mom of 3, and completely addicted to drugs. I had been using pills for years and by age 28 graduated to meth. It wasn’t long before my family started to fall apart. I was slowly losing my mind and knew it. I did many awful things during this time in my life but the worst was what I was doing to my husband and kids. I was destroying our family with my addiction and behavior; by the end I had filed for divorce and even had restraining orders against my husband. The enemy had been tormenting me for years with accusations against my husband until I finally cracked.
I remember crying out to God knowing I was going crazy; wanting Him to give me answers, begging for truth. Each day got worse and worse. I spent my days totally disconnected from reality not knowing which way was up or down. My daughter, being the oldest child, was burdened with taking care of my responsibilities. Taking care of her younger brothers most of the time. When night came, instead of sleeping I was obsessed with taking electronics apart. I lived in fear. Fear of everything. I knew the only way I was going to ever have any peace was to quit using but that was not an option for me. I couldn’t picture my life without it and never imagined quitting.
The enemy had convinced me that my husband was the enemy and if I could just get away from him, I would be fine. So I set out to do just that. I did just about every awful thing you could image to push him away, but he just kept coming back. So that’s when I got the cops involved and got a restraining order against him, to keep him away from me and my children. I know it broke his heart.
Then it happened . . . God spoke to me through someone and it was if I was staring God directly in the face. He told me that I was going to get my kids taken from me. Without a doubt, I knew that was truth. I decided to remain clean for 48 hours. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking of getting sober, I was going to hold out until I was legally in the clear with my kids.
I remember it like it was yesterday. God showed up. He showed me truth in an instant. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. First,He showed me what was true and real, then He revealed the lies I had been believing. It was like a blindfold was ripped off from my eyes. I couldn’t grab the truth fast enough. I wanted to stay right there in that moment forever. For the first time I felt safe and from that moment I feared nothing. It was as if I had lost my child for ten years and finally found them and couldn’t run to them quick enough or hold them tight enough. That’s how the truth felt. I needed it. I felt Holy Spirit say, “Go tell your husband the truth.” As crazy as it sounds, my first thought was, “He is going to take my kids.” But I was okay with that. If that’s what needed to happen to stay this close to God, I was willing to lose them, go to jail, or whatever. I had no fear. I knew everything was going be okay. I called my husband and asked to meet and he agreed. While driving to meet him I had a thought, “he might love me through this and want to still be married.” But, I instantly told myself that there was no way I could accept that kind of love. I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t deserve that kind of love.
When I told him I was sorry and I had been using drugs he immediately responded with a question. He said, “Do you still want to get a divorce?” I quickly answered yes and then he asked me again. Then I said, “No.” He said he didn’t want to get a divorce either!
I immediately felt the weight of a semi truck lift off of my shoulders. I felt as if I would float off the ground, feeling a thousand pounds lighter. I knew I was instantly healed. My addiction was gone in the blink of an eye! My body felt different. My head was clear. I felt love. I felt happy. I felt like I was on top of the world. Immediately,I wanted to go and tell his family and mine. I wanted everyone to know it was all me and I was sorry. I wanted to tell everyone Jesus healed me. I knew most of them were going to think I was crazy and that was okay. I was so excited to be the new me.
I wanted to do whatever my husband needed so I agreed to rehab, drug testing, etc. So I was evaluated and the hospital felt I qualified for outpatient. I went 3 times a week, for 4 hour sessions and loved it. I knew I didn’t need it but it so fun. I was able to see week after week people relapsing and then get to share with them about Jesus. In order to graduate from the program I was required to get a sponsor – but I couldn’t I knew that Jesus was my sponsor. He was going to get all the glory for my healing; giving someone else the credit wouldn’t be right. And it would be a lie. It was God I called on if i needed anything, not a sponsor. Now I am almost 4 years clean. God completely changed my life. He healed my family. He made things that didn’t make sense make sense. He wiped all of it away. He continues to amaze me. He has blessed me in so many ways.